I am not a person who believes that life with God is easy. In fact, I pretty much expect it to be difficult. I believe this because the stories I read of the heroes in the Bible are not stories of God finding favor and making life easy. They are stories of difficult choices, leaving family and heading into the unknown. They are stories of personal challenges and being pushed out of your comfort zone. It is easy for us to see them as happy stories because we know the ending. But I never want to lose sight of the reality that someone, some real person, had to go through that struggle before they got to the happy ending part.
I say this because midwifery school is NOT easy. Making everything balance and staying on top of my course work is hard. It challenges me intellectually but it also challenges me emotionally. It forces me to gain faith that I can perform these skills and that I do know this information. It forces me to move out of what I know to learn the things I don’t know. It forces me to move from observer to responsible midwife. And some days this hurts.
The hardest part is staying focused on the reason I am in school. When it gets difficult it is hard to remember that I am here because God sent me. I am here because God wants midwives for women I have never met. I am here because God needs me to go through this learning process so I can be prepared to do the work set out before me. But I don’t remember that when I am overwhelmed with the reading and stressing over tests.
Perhaps struggling to keep God in focus is part of the learning I need to do before I can accomplish this work. Nothing God has called me to is easy, and I am sure midwifery school will seem simple compared to the health and government issues I will need to face. Perhaps I need to be prepared to handle more stress, being more out of control of my choices, letting go of what I think needs to be done. Perhaps I need to learn to see God in the midst of the work, in the midst of the chaos and struggles because if I do not learn to be with him when life is hard, I cannot go overseas.
I don’t know, its just some thoughts that popped into my head tonight.
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