Christian Childbirth Blog

Dear friends, I hope your year has been fruitful and a blessing up to this point.  I have been overwhelmed with school and had to stop all non-essential work for a few months.  But the semester is nearly  over for me, and I am getting back to my “real” life.

Isn’t it funny that we have a “real” life – one which we believe happens, or should happen, or that we want to happen; and we have the life we actually live that seems like it is only distracting us from our “real” lives.

So I take that back.  I have been living my “real” life.

My real life is interesting and amazing.  I am constantly learning new skills and information and my capacity to serve has grown exponentially.  But to experience this incredible time of growth I needed to participate in a “retreat” much more serious and Spiritual than any weekend getaway with my campus ministry in college. I have had to sacrifice things I enjoy, to choose carefully how I will spend my time.

So this makes me wonder, how many times has God given me an opportunity to grow and learn when I wasn’t willing to set myself aside to learn?  How many times has my inability to let go of the things I think I want or need gotten in the way of my growth?

Here it is October, and I’ve just realized I haven’t posted for my readers since the end of July!  So sorry!

I’m busy in school, full time in the school of nursing and the school of public health this semester.  I’m doing OK so far, but because of technical problems with the school I haven’t started my clinicals yet! This basically means I will need to be in school for an additional semester, and I don’t know what that will do to my financial aid status so please be praying about that.  I’m actually more concerned about how I will get all my work done once clinicals do begin!

I’ve taken this morning to clean out my email (somewhat) and get caught up on business things, but really I can’t get it done before I have to leave.  But it got me thinking about who I am as a mother, wife, student, servant of God.  It made me wonder how I choose what things I do, and what things I don’t.  Honestly, there are things I “choose” not to do, like this blog, even though I think they are important and I would like to be more trustworthy with this.

The thing is, I don’t consciously ”choose” not to do it.  Instead I consciously choose to do the things that are on my “to do” list, both my written one for school and my mental list for my family.  If things are not on those lists, even if I would like to do them, they don’t get done.  So here is my question for my readers.  How do you decide what to do each day?  Does your actual “to do” list reflect what you do; does it reflect your real goals or only the urgent things of the moment?

As I was packing for our trip to Nairobi this morning I was struck by my malarone tablets. If you’ve never traveled to a place where malaria is endemic, you’ve likely never heard of this medication. It prevents the parasite (malaria is not caused by a bacteria but rather a parasite with a rather complicated life cycle) from successfully invading my body.

As I looked at the bottle I started thinking of the line of Christian thinking that teaches the avoidance of medications. There are several different reasons depending on your particular line of thinking.  Some feel healing comes only from God, and medications take away the glory of God.  Others feel that because drugs of any kind alter the body they should not be used. Still others feel there is a verse in the Bible that calls the use of medications witchcraft, although what verse that is and the wording it uses is not in my head at the moment.

This brings me back to the idea of medication in childbirth.  Perhaps it isn’t a fair contrast because we do have documented increases in labor stimulation medications in the United States. But I can’t help but think that as much as I would hope to avoid using medications in labor, I have no problem taking malarone just in case I am bit by a mosquito that carries the malaria parasite. Should I use the same logic? Should I assume my body is healthy and will  fight off infection, using medications only if I contract malaria? Or is it better to take a pill every day to prevent the illness from happening?  I know I could say childbirth is a normal and healthy process of the human body, but in prevention of malaria I will be taking a pill every day while my body is healthy.

It’s a sticky question and I’m sure I’ll need to think more on it before my mind comes to a conclusion.  But tomorrow, I’ll start the malarone.

Tomorrow my preceptor (the midwife who is teaching me to be a midwife) will leave for the Christian Midwives Association annual conference.  I cannot go because I have school responsibilities and will be leaving for Kenya the next week. This is the second year in a row I will be missing this conference.

I love the friends I meet at the CMI conference.  My husband calls these ladies my church – they are the women whose hearts are so similar to mine. We feel the same call from God.  We are able to encourage and support each other, and they always build my faith. I wish I were going to the conference.  I wish I could listen to their stories and learn from their lives. But that is not where God has me right now.

My dear friends, I miss you.  I hope it is within God’s plan for my life that next year I will see you all again at the the CMI conference.

I have had a great few weeks.  I was accepted into a program at school that will allow me to spend two weeks working with non-English speaking immigrants with little or no access to health care.  I was also asked by a colleague to accompany her to Narobi Kenya for a program she is planning.  It is shaping up to be a great summer.

And as I reflect on how much I love my life and the call God has placed on it, I am reminded of the comments I often receive from other women interested in birth.  The comment that often makes me wonder is, “I’m waiting to receive the call.”

Waiting to receive the call? I guess I don’t see “the call” as happening that way.  If your heart is drawn to midwifery, I think you have already received “the call.”  In fact, if you cannot keep from asking about birth stories or offering to help women breastfeed, you are already responding to the call. You simply need to recognize this fact.

The way I see it, if you don’t recognize that you have “the call,” you may risk making decisions that prevent you from acting on it.  For example, I have a lovely friend whose heart is drawn to service.  When disaster struck Haiti her heart was broke and she cried out to God to send her. She did not go. Why? She didn’t think she had received, “the call” because no opportunity fell into her lap.  I believe she did receive the call, but didn’t understand how to act on it.  She didn’t look into organizations already at work where she could volunteer a week or two.  She didn’t make arrangements to raise support for a trip, providing opportunities for those who wanted to be part of a tangible work to participate. She just waited, assuming that if she was to go God would put a fully-funded trip, scheduled for a convenient vacation time, into her back pocket.

This is the funny thing about “the call,”  it isn’t necessarily easy to follow. Think about Abraham, God called him to move his entire household to a part of the world he was unfamiliar with.  Ruth had to leave her family and homeland to accompany Naomi.  David’s first step was to face a giant.  I could go on and on, and so could you.  The call is amazing, and the results of accepting the call are life-changing, but you need to accept the call.  You need to act on it.

If God has given you a heart to serve childbearing women, that is “the call”.  Your job, should you choose to accept “the call”, is to find the ways you can begin to act on this call now.  It may not be easy. You may have to make some sacrifices. You probably will not start by traveling to Kenya to work with nurses and midwives. But as you begin to be faithful to the call God has placed on your life, you will be trusted with more.

My dear readers, I cannot wait to see how God is able to bless the world through your responding to “the call.”  Thank you for all you do.

At my husband’s suggestion, I watched a birth movie tonight.  Not one of the natural births you see in childbirth classes.  A movie about birth as it happens in the United States, the good and the bad  but of course mostly the bad.  And of course, through tears at the end I started asking myself, “what am I doing?”

What am I doing in a master’s nursing program studying pharmacology and genetics when I should be out teaching women about the risks of being uninformed about your maternity care?

What am I doing focusing on chronic diseases when there is so much advocacy for safer maternity practices that must be done?

What am I doing spending my time learning to diagnose and treat ear infections and allergies while women still have limited access to evidence based maternity care?

What am I doing studying hours every day when I could be using that time to make changes in the world.

Deep breath…close my eyes…accept the job set before me.

I did not chose this path.  I had no desire to become a nurse.  I don’t see myself as a baby-catcher. But there are great needs to be filled in this world and God said go.  I cannot see where the path leads, but I can see where my next foot must land.  Though I do not know the ultimate plans God has for me, I do know I am fulfilling his purpose for me know.

I do not mean to sound ungrateful.  I know there are many of my readers who would change places with me in a moment if we had the chance. But I wanted to share my heart with you because I think sometimes we mistakenly tell ourselves everything will be perfect when we get what we want. But what if, like a little child, what we want is so much less than what our father desires for us?  What if we are wishing for a crust of bread while our father is preparing a feast? What if we are so short-sighted that we cannot see beyond our immediate gratification? What if what we think we want doesn’t even come close to the truth about what we are able to do and be in this world.

Ten years ago I followed God’s command on my life to write down the things he told me.  Without understanding why, I followed his command to put those writings into a book.  Each step of the way God’s command has seemed unnecessary to me, but I have stayed faithful to each call on my life as it is made. To be honest, I could not begin to measure the impact from that obedience.

Ten years ago I could not have forseen that I would write five books.

Ten years ago I would never have imagined the books would be used around the world, translated into multiple languages because women were desperate for the information.

Ten years ago I didn’t dream I would travel to the Congo to help women build their own health care network.

Ten years ago I underestimated what God had planned for me – while I was happy to have 50 page views a day on my small website, God had plans for 15,000 page views a day and more.  While I was content to teach a few couples out of my home, God had plans for families I could never meet to be taught from my materials. While I was wishing for someone to change a system I thought was unfair to expectant families, God had plans for me to be a part of that change

So now I sit, writing a mid-term in pharmacology and studying hypertension medications because what God has planned for me is far more amazing than what I have ever dreamed for myself. My dear reader, his plans for you are equally amazing.  Take joy in the work he has given you today, because it prepares you for the work he will give you tomorrow.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters” Colossians 3:23

This week I stepped back into a conversation my husband and I began a few years ago.  At the time we were talking about church, what is the purpose and how should an individual participate. We ended the discussion on a question neither of us could answer.  That question came up again this week.

“What do I do next to continue to grow closer to God?”

You see, at some point I realized I was a consistent prayer and journal writer, Bible reader and studier. I was a regular participant in church and a volunteer.  I was involved in short term mission trips and ministries at home.  In every way I would be considered a mature Christian.

Except I didn’t feel like I was done growing.  I didn’t get the sense that I had arrived and all I had to do was what I was already doing. But I didn’t know what the “next” was.  What do you do when you already have the basics down?  What do you do when you already do all the stuff a good Christian does?

It was shortly after this conversation that I began the several month journey that ended in my realization that I was to become a midwife.  My “next” was nursing school.  My “next” was something I dreaded, something that turned my life upside down.

Are you seeking your “next?” I seem to see many new and expectant mother’s find themselves in the midst of longing for the “next” while they are caring for young children. For some, the new responsibilities are exhausting emotionally and physically- and their normal Christian activities are not “enough” anymore. If you are looking for the “next” step to grow closer to God I encourage you to open your eyes to the opportunities around you. You may be just as surprised by your next step as I was by mine.

I had a wonderful conversation with a young man today who tearfully admitted he was angry with God. My heart broke for him, realizing he has felt this way for a while and felt trapped by this anger.  He thought he could not tell anyone, and thought it was useless to talk to God about it since he knows everything anyway. So he continued his life convinced that every bad thing was a punishment from God for his anger.

I share this with you because I want you to know the freedom you have to approach God with any problem, even if that problem is your anger with God. In fact, I would suspect that when the problem is anger with God the first thing you should do is go to God – who else could help you find healing and restore the relationship?

I also share this with you because I hope you will have the grace to be compassionate when someone shares something as deeply painful as this with you. The time of pregnancy and new parenthood can stimulate much fear and can bring up old pain.  It can be so easy to jump to common sayings to ease the tension or to try and convince the person they should not feel that way. I recommend acknowledging the fear and pain and hurt they have been hiding for so long.  I recommend thanking them for sharing such a private thing with you.  I recommend sitting silent and letting them talk as you listen attentively. I recommend accepting this is a problem you cannot solve, and allowing God to bring healing.

One thing I love about the new year is the built in pause to reflect on your life before moving into the next season.  This past new year brought many changes for me – the end of my first semester in the midwifery program, my first trip home to see family in a year… and I am looking forward to many changes this next semester.  Carrying 20 credits means I will have little time for anything outside school, clinical requirements increase so I will be participating in pediatric office visits as well as midwifery office visits and on call for births. This new year has been a welcome pause.

So here I sit today, on the edge of the next season feeling both eager and anxious.  And that reminds me of waiting for labor to start.  Wishing it would begin, but being nervous about what labor held for me.  Wanting to hold my baby, but not yet knowing who this baby really was. Hoping for relief from sleepless nights, realizing my nights would remain sleepless after the baby is born.  So really, as unique as having a baby may be, it takes the same patience and understanding any other change of season may require.