Tomorrow my preceptor (the midwife who is teaching me to be a midwife) will leave for the Christian Midwives Association annual conference.  I cannot go because I have school responsibilities and will be leaving for Kenya the next week. This is the second year in a row I will be missing this conference. I love the friends I meet at the CMI conference.  My husband calls these ladies my church – they are the women whose hearts are so similar to mine. We feel the same call from God.  We are able to encourage and support each other, and they always build my faith. I wishRead More →

I have had a great few weeks.  I was accepted into a program at school that will allow me to spend two weeks working with non-English speaking immigrants with little or no access to health care.  I was also asked by a colleague to accompany her to Narobi Kenya for a program she is planning.  It is shaping up to be a great summer. And as I reflect on how much I love my life and the call God has placed on it, I am reminded of the comments I often receive from other women interested in birth.  The comment that often makes me wonder is, “I’mRead More →

At my husband’s suggestion, I watched a birth movie tonight.  Not one of the natural births you see in childbirth classes.  A movie about birth as it happens in the United States, the good and the bad  but of course mostly the bad.  And of course, through tears at the end I started asking myself, “what am I doing?” What am I doing in a master’s nursing program studying pharmacology and genetics when I should be out teaching women about the risks of being uninformed about your maternity care? What am I doing focusing on chronic diseases when there is so much advocacy for saferRead More →

This week I stepped back into a conversation my husband and I began a few years ago.  At the time we were talking about church, what is the purpose and how should an individual participate. We ended the discussion on a question neither of us could answer.  That question came up again this week. “What do I do next to continue to grow closer to God?” You see, at some point I realized I was a consistent prayer and journal writer, Bible reader and studier. I was a regular participant in church and a volunteer.  I was involved in short term mission trips and ministriesRead More →

I had a wonderful conversation with a young man today who tearfully admitted he was angry with God. My heart broke for him, realizing he has felt this way for a while and felt trapped by this anger.  He thought he could not tell anyone, and thought it was useless to talk to God about it since he knows everything anyway. So he continued his life convinced that every bad thing was a punishment from God for his anger. I share this with you because I want you to know the freedom you have to approach God with any problem, even if that problem isRead More →

One thing I love about the new year is the built in pause to reflect on your life before moving into the next season.  This past new year brought many changes for me – the end of my first semester in the midwifery program, my first trip home to see family in a year… and I am looking forward to many changes this next semester.  Carrying 20 credits means I will have little time for anything outside school, clinical requirements increase so I will be participating in pediatric office visits as well as midwifery office visits and on call for births. This new year hasRead More →

I wanted to share another secret with you.  Before I had children I couldn’t imagine anyone could ever be as good a mother as I would be. When my daughter was born everything was perfect. When I found myself pregnant with my son I suddenly struggled to accept that I could mother both children. How could I love anyone as much as I loved my daughter? I NEVER thought that would happen to me.  When other parents shared their struggle with it I blew them off as being irrelevant because they obviously didn’t know how to love. When it happened to me I panicked. I panicked soRead More →

I am a reluctant nurse and never expected to be training as a nurse midwife.  I had given up the idea of being a midwife several years ago because my state did not license CPMs. I couldn’t stomach the thought of being the kind of midwife who was in an office doing pelvic exams all day. So you can imagine how frustrating it was for me to have the classes on sexually transmitted infections and pelvic exams during the second week of school. But God is amazing, and his timing is always perfect.  As I sat in class on Wednesday looking at photographs of diseases noRead More →