Christian Childbirth Blog

my life is. It seems I jump from deadline to deadline without much room to do in between.  The latest adventure, Tammy and I are off to Kenya for a doula training.

This time it is all Tammy’s organization.  She is a trainer with DONA and has been contacted to help start a doula program in Nairobi. We’ve spent the summer talking about my going, then for a week we thought we were sure I wasn’t going, and now I’m going with only a few weeks to prepare.  Yikes!

So today is Visa day (I cannot go to sleep until all the stuff I need to do to get my visa is done and in the mail).  Tomorrow is vaccination day (which I hope means I just walk away with a prescription for malerone). And in between it all I have classes and papers and on call at the birth center.

I keep remembering the Christian Speaker Erwin McMannus sharing how Christians often mistakenly believe that when they are right where God wants them they are in the safest and most peaceful place – because the Bible teaches us that God moves people to do very brave, somewhat dangerous things in far off lands with most everything out of their control. I love being called by God to serve in this way.  I love the excitement and the uncertainty.  I’ve even learned to love the often competing deadlines.  But I am still nieve enough to think that when I am finished with school it will all calm down.  :-)

I wanted to share another secret with you.  Before I had children I couldn’t imagine anyone could ever be as good a mother as I would be. When my daughter was born everything was perfect. When I found myself pregnant with my son I suddenly struggled to accept that I could mother both children. How could I love anyone as much as I loved my daughter?

I NEVER thought that would happen to me.  When other parents shared their struggle with it I blew them off as being irrelevant because they obviously didn’t know how to love. When it happened to me I panicked. I panicked so much that God needed to stop me in labor to have a little conversation about it.

“What are you afraid of?”

“How could I ever love this baby?”

“You will love this baby.”

“I don’t love this baby, I am a bad mother.”

“Why do you think you don’t love this baby?”

“This baby was unplanned – unwanted.  How can I love a baby I didn’t want?”

“Unplanned does not mean unwanted.”

“Wait, what?”

“Unplanned does not mean unwanted. Did you only want one child?”

“No, I wanted many children.”

“Then why do you think this child is unwanted?”

“He was unplanned.”

“Unplanned does not mean unwanted.”

“You are right, I do want this baby.  I can love this baby.”

Other women’s experience is similar.  You might experience it too.  I share this with you to encourage you to not wait until labor to bring your concerns before God.

I am a reluctant nurse and never expected to be training as a nurse midwife.  I had given up the idea of being a midwife several years ago because my state did not license CPMs. I couldn’t stomach the thought of being the kind of midwife who was in an office doing pelvic exams all day. So you can imagine how frustrating it was for me to have the classes on sexually transmitted infections and pelvic exams during the second week of school.

But God is amazing, and his timing is always perfect.  As I sat in class on Wednesday looking at photographs of diseases no one talks about my heart began to melt.  For men and women with a problem “down there,” the way they are cared for can make a tremendous difference on how they choose to live the rest of their life.

As I read about women’s cycles and the common problems, I began to think of Jesus and the woman with bleeding.  He was so gentle with her, so loving and caring.  He stopped what he was doing to heal her. Forgive me because I am not taking the time to grab my Bible right now so I’ll go from memory here. She had tried to get treatment, but had suffered for it.  We can only imagine how she became less of a person in the eyes of those around her.

We may live in a modern society, but we still are not comfortable sharing with others about bleeding issues. By learning how to care for reproductive issues, I have the opportunity to help women just like her.  What an amazing opportunity God has given me to provide a safe place for women in need of help to come and receive comfort. Even if I cannot fix their problems, I can treat them with dignity and respect. For men and women with reproductive issues, the way they are cared for can change the way they see themselves.

So by Friday when I needed to practice a pelvic exam with the simulator I was excited.  I wanted to learn to care for the problems no one will talk about.  I wanted to learn to provide the comfort and healing for the issues people are too embarrassed to tell others about. I want to see the hurting and embarrassed women the way Christ saw the bleeding woman.  I want to care for them with gentleness and love. I want to give them a safe place to be honest about the emotional pain it causes. I want to be there with God as he heals them.

Thank you Lord for opening my eyes and my heart to serving your hurting children.