Today I have my first day of rest in months. I have no homework, no papers, no tests, nothing to do.  But not really.

I still have two days at the hospital this week, and I need to prepare.

I need to update the website and prepare my business accounts for the end of the year to get ready for taxes.

I actually have reading for the spring semester already assigned, and when I get back from visiting my extended family for the first time in a year I have two solid weeks of daily clinical time to complete the semester that ends today.

So here is the truth, being in school and on the later half of my thirties is hard.  Balancing classwork and family is hard. Staying motivated to get up ridiculously early when I am tired all the time is hard. Keeping a business while going to school is hard.

BUT…

School is temporary, it will end and my life will continue.  The skills I am learning will help families all over the world. My family is supportive and understanding, and will help me finish.

Yes it is hard.  But I can do this.

I wish I could tell you that I was excited about the semester being nearly over, but honestly I’m not.  I have one last paper to write (an issue brief on suggested policy change for midwifery) and two exams, so the workload is not a big deal.  It is the clinical time that is overwhelming me.  I got a late start with both midwifery and family practice clinicals, which everyone says is no big deal because I can make up the missing time over the summer or with my “extra” semester.  But not really.

I want to apply to do an internship with a department of public health in maternal child health over the summer.  This would be a 12 week program, and will leave me a total of 2-4 weeks in Honduras and then classes begin again.  Not time to make up clinicals this summer.

My final semester will be all public heath classes, and I will have two days a week without classes (I think).  But I will also be finishing my amazing thesis, so I cannot plan to be at clinicals on my days off class.

Which leads me to the problem with this semester.  I’m at clinical every day I don’t have class, right through the break until classes start again.  I will get no break, no breathing room.  Quite frankly, I’m exhausted.

But clinical doesn’t have homework like classes do, and I won’t have to write papers.  And a very nice midwife explained that I can do a half-shift at the hospital if it works better for me, or to call in and see if anyone is on the board before I make the trip to sit around for five hours.  I know I can survive this!

Just a reminder to myself that I stepped away from my internet “duties” and the world kept right on spinning.  Good thing to keep in mind when the birth world gets a little hectic.

So last night I couldn’t sleep.  I have a few busy weeks coming up and my mind would not let go of all the work I need to do.  I hate nights like that, when I am so tired but my body will not fall asleep.

Needless to say, I am finding it hard to find anything worthwhile to share today. I’ll just be doing finishing touches on projects and papers and preparing for tests. Not exciting, but it is my life. Time to unplug from the digital world and live in the real one.

I wisely signed up for a class being held the week before school starts.  Two credits towards my MPH in 5 days on a topic I find interesting, bring it on. As I finished up my last minute projects on Friday I wished for one more day to feel ready before school started.  It seems my wish was granted.  Winter weather has closed down the town, and my school.  All work is being completed via email.

What did I do with my extra day today?  I ignored my to do list by playing and reading with the kids, baking muffins and shopping online. I am shocked at how tired I am tonight, and embarrassed to say I wished for one more day off to complete all the things I had wanted a day off for. The winter weather was able to maintain the snow and ice, giving me another 24 hours out of class.  I wonder if I will make better use of that time tomorrow?

I share this with you because I think it is important that I start to remember my to do list needs to be balanced.  Starting the school year exhausted was not the way to go.  It needs to be just as important to get a good nights sleep as it is to complete all financial forms and keep my laundry ready to use. But sleep is the physical need I tend to ignore.  I know other women who ignore their nutrition, and others who ignore family relationships.  We all have something that sinks to the bottom.

I’m not saying things should be lower priorities – everything fits neatly (or not so neatly) somewhere.  I’m just recommending that you become familiar with what your lowest priority is.  Then make sure that whatever it is you give the least time to is really the place you want to give the least time to.

Over the last few days I have been crocheting a blanket my son and I started last winter. Just a small baby blanket made from yarn he picked out himself. It had been stuffed in a bag, set aside because school and moving and family life made me too busy to finish it. But I found it this week, and the blanket is progressing beautifully.

And then it started to dawn on me, I haven’t scrapbooked a page since I started nursing school.  No need really, I have barely taken my camera out to snap some shots anyway.  I haven’t read a book other the than the ones for school.  I haven’t really worked out and don’t get to do yoga every night.  I pick up my “how to belly dance” book from time to time but don’t even remember where the DVDs I got are. I rarely go to church with my family, I stopped journaling, only cook once or twice a week and dread the mess my business finances will be in when I get a break in January.

I have missed conferences and opportunities to spend time with friends, in fact some times it feels like I have no friends. My long walks to class have been replaced with faster rides on the shuttle. As the semester wears on even blogging feels less and less like a necessity.

No, this isn’t pessimistic.  My life will not always be like this.  Right now I have decided to go to school.  But to make time for school I had to give up other things in my life.  It cannot be done any other way – the time and energy must come from somewhere. But here is the secret – I get to pick what I give up, and so do you. When the time is right to further your training, you will have to make choices.

I haven’t given up spending time with my family, even family dinner.  I cannot make it every night, and I only cook a big meal a few nights a week.  But we have adjusted to left-overs and sandwiches just fine.

I haven’t given up finding new music to listen to.  I make trips to the library with the kids specifically to find CDs by artists I have never heard.

I haven’t given up sharing what I learn with my readers.  But instead of worrying about updating the complicated navigational systems of the main website, I simply blog.

I haven’t given up working with expectant families.  But I am now the student instead of the doula.

I haven’t given up the goal, and I know what I am working for.  The long hours of studying will be worth it.  These few months or years at school are temporary, and it will never be so easy for me to learn as much so fast as it is now. So I want to be sure to take advantage of every minute I can make available to become an amazing midwife.

But that doesn’t include the 2 hours next week when I will take my daughter to hear the symphony perform, because I’m not willing to give that up.

I wanted to share a few secrets I have for managing such a complicated life.  Some of them may help you manage the chaos that comes with birth related work.  But as with any technology, choose wisely.  What seems like a blessing may really become a curse.

My first secret is a Google calendar. Not very secret I know, but it does some fabulous things that keep me organized. For starters, it allows me to add things to one calendar no matter where I am. So if I am in class and get a text about a meeting, I can add it on my laptop.  But even better, my Google calendar is integrated with my Android phone.  So if I am in the midst of a shopping trip or at the library with the kids when I get that text, I can still add it to my calendar and know nothing will get lost.

My second secret is that Google calendar again. Google calendars, and probably other calendar programs, lets me share my calendar with my husband.  So we actually have three calendars – mine, his and ours. We put all the children’s activities and family events in ours.  I can turn his on or off as needed, so I know when he is gone but don’t have his appointments blocking my calendar.

Another secret on that phone is an application called Our Groceries.  This program lets us keep track of what we need on both phones in real time.  If he picks up milk, it is crossed off my list.  This makes it ridiculously easy to stop at the store and pick up a few things on the way home – if you remember to put them on the list. I am sure there is something similar for other brands of smartphones.

I need to travel a lot, and I don’t want to waste my time in the car.  So I use that time to listen and learn.  I download interesting and relevant lectures from iTunes U, record some of the lectures for my classes and even have been known to record myself reading a chapter or two of a text book.  By connecting the iPod in the car (or the Android depending on where I recorded), I can make the best use of the long drives to Savannah.

And my biggest secret is the ability of the internet to delay publication.  I write almost all blog posts for the week over the weekend and schedule them to post on different days.  I recently discovered HootSuite, which allows me to do the same thing with Twitter and Facebook.  This helps keeps the fans and readers happy with lots of new ideas to share, while keeping time demands within almost reasonable limits for me.

So now you have a few ideas of ways to make your life easier.  Hope one of them works for you!

I had every intention of writing something educational for you before I leave for the birth center, but the truth is I’m feeling very overwhelmed at the moment. I need to catch up on reading because I know I’m the type of learner that does best when I read the textbooks.  So the blog cannot be my priority right now.

Which really brings up a good point – you need to know your priorities.  Birth work, any kind, can take as much of your time as you let it.  I know there have been seasons in my life where it was a joy to spend hours helping other families prepare for and experience birth. But along with that are times like now, when I need to refer families to other birth professionals.

There is nothing wrong with stepping back for a time when your circumstances change. Perhaps you have a new baby, just moved to a new area, or like me, maybe you are in school. This does not mean you will never work in birth again, it simply means that for the time being, your role has changed. You will probably come back to birth stronger, and with more to offer.

I have a confession to make, I’m exhausted.

It’s true.  I’m tired and have difficulty focusing on my reading as long as I feel I should.  I’m pulled in many directions and even missed a deadline to sign up for a class I really was hoping to participate in.  I’m over-booked, which left very little reserve time for family illness. Of course we had to deal with family illness in the midst of my busiest weeks.

This happens to everyone, and it will periodically happen to you too. If it is chronic (meaning you always feel this way) you need to take a step back and make some serious decisions about your life. But if, like most people, you experience this from time to time, you can do a few things to help manage your stress and be sure you can get some rest.

1) Keep a good calendar, and make it accessible.  It doesn’t matter if it is on paper, on your phone or on your computer, just make sure you don’t keep your calendar in your head.  It is too easy to overlap appointments or overbook yourself when you have a meeting next Tuesday and a meeting on the 12th.  It also helps if this calendar is accessible to other adults in your home, so you can be sure you have not booked yourselves in ways that are bad for your relationship.

2) Keep a list of short term and long term goals.  When you have time available, work on those goals. When time gets tight, only agree to the commitments that meet your goals.  For example, one of my goals is to spend time with my children despite my crazy schedule.  To ensure I meet this goal I do not attend the monthly PTA meetings and my children do not participate in after school sports.  We would like those things, but they do not meet our ultimate goal for our family at this time.  In a few years, we may be able to work them in.  Just not now.

3) Keep a time sheet.  This is especially important if you work alone.  It acts as your accountability so you can easily see how many hours a week it takes to do your job and when you work those hours.  You may find you spend considerably less or more hours working than you think you do.  I tend to be on the more side of that equation.

4) Schedule time each week or two weeks for errands, then stick to that appointment.  This can save time so you do not feel like you need to run to the bank, post office or store every other day.  Plan ahead and make the most of your errand day.

5) If you deal with due dates, take the time to make a list of each item you have due and when it is due.  Then start with the first item and get them checked off your list. This prevents you from spending valuable time completing an assignment that isn’t due for a month when you have three due next week.

These tricks won’t solve all your over-scheduled problems, and you will still have weeks like I’m having.  Back to back births will always be tiring. But hopefully, by paying attention to your schedule, you can reduce the frequency and duration of over tired, over busy weeks.  And if you do, you become a healthier individual with the physical reserve you need to serve the families in your community.

About six months after I started teaching natural childbirth I noticed something wrong with my life…I wasn’t exactly living the way I was teaching my families to live.  Yes, I paid some attention to eating healthy and I would exercise from time to time. But my life definitely did not reflect what I was telling others to do.

It is a humbling day when you realize you expect more of others than you do yourself. I had to really ask myself if I believed nutrition and exercise were the keys to living healthy.  If I really believed it, what did the way I was living say about who I was?  How did I expect others to be successful at something I was not even willing to try.

Since that day, two women have made similar comments to me.  Not about themselves, but about the women who serve as midwives, doulas and childbirth educators.  Both were amazed at the number of overweight women who could barely walk up the stairs. The message I received from both women was, “why would I believe what she tells me about how to be healthy?”

I wish I could say I learned how to live a healthy life and maintain a healthy weight.  I haven’t.  I still struggle to find a healthy weight.  I still rely on less healthful food when busy. I still find myself sitting for hours reading and writing (I have to, I’m in school).

But I am happy to say that I have learned one thing that has made a difference for me this year.  That one things is this, “physical activity is not a luxury.” I enjoy walking, biking, swimming and other activities.  Unfortunately I had convinced myself that those activities were for after the work was done.  But with a family and school, the work is never done.  I needed to make physical activity as important as all the reading assignments, all the tests and all the other activities in my calendar.